There are some days in life when you just don’t feel like getting out of bed. You’d rather stay at home, watch a corny TV show or one of the Bridget Jones sequels and eat a whole box of chocolates by yourself. And just when life wears you down, it slaps you right in the face saying “You have to go to work, so get up!” Every one of us feels like being mad at the world sometimes, but we just have to go on with our daily routine even though we’d prefer curling up in the intimacy of our home.
Yes, bad days suck, but you can’t let them get to you that easily. It’s all about positive thinking and being optimistic no matter what you’re going through, and humor and laughter are the best cure for dreary blues. Enjoying a good laugh to a couple of the most corny, funniest jokes you can find online is all it takes to cheer you up right away. And boy, do we have the collection for you! Don’t believe it? Give yourself the chance even if you don’t feel like it. One joke at a time, you’ll see how it will start bringing a smile on your face. That’s all we want!
Why don’t they play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.
What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
Daughter: Mom, I’m pregnant!
Mom: I thought I told you when a guy touches your boobs, say don’t, and when he touches you vagina, say stop.
Daughter: But he kept touching both, so it came out,”don’t, stop, don’t, stop.
Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?
Because it’s pointless.
I told my dad it was finally time to embrace his mistakes. He cried. Then he hugged my sister and me.
As Jack got out of the shower he said to his wife:
“It’s just too hot to wear clothes today honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?”
“Probably that I married you for your money.
Doctor: “I’m sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live.”
Patient: “What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!
Doctor: “Nine, eight, seven…”
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”
The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
Anton, do you think I’m a bad mother?
My name is Paul, mother.
Police officer: “Can you identify yourself, sir?”
Driver pulls out his mirror and says: “Yes, it’s me.”
A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. “Och, I look like a pig!”
The man nods, “And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!”
A lion would never cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood.
When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there’s no domestic violence going on.
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked his problem out with a pencil. It was a number 2 pencil.
Me and my wife decided that we don’t want to have children anymore. So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address and we will bring you one.
Why do women live on average two years longer? Because the time they spend parking doesn’t count.
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ”Shut up…you’re next!”
“My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.”
A wife complains to her husband: “Just look at that couple down the road, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her, why can’t you do the same?”
“Are you mad? I barely know the woman!”